Fears connected with coming out

March of 2015. That's when I started coming out to people. Firsty, to my brother and parents, and later to two or three friends. It was so scary. It really was. When I talked to my brother I couldn't stop crying, I was terryfied, and I knew I couldn't talk to my parents about it. I tried, but just couldn't, even though I kind of knew that they don't have such a bad attitude towards gays or lesbians, at least. So, I left them a letter before I went to Ljubljana again. Mum called the next day, saying how she kind of knew that before, and I felt a little bit better. But she also said I shouldn't talk about it to just everyone. At the time I didn't even think about it, I didn't want all of the people to know, not even the ones close to me. I didn't want to put anyone from my family or friends into an awkward position because of my sexual orientation. I suddenly felt a big responsibility for every action I'd make. Yes, I came out, and I thought that things would get better, but I felt even more lost. I felt angy with the fact that I have to come out to all the people that I care so much, and put at risk every relationship because of that.

So, I stopped coming out to people. I listened to people who'd tell me not to talk about it, to hide it, to be careful about it, and I believed them. But these pressures inside of me affected me badly. All this come-out-and-it-will-get-better thing wasn't true in my case. That's why I decided to get a therapist. At first I wanted to contact a therapist who's dealing especially with LGBT+ Youth, but I was low on money, and didn't want to ask parents for it, so, I had no idea what to do, until I realized that there is free counceling at our LGBT organization, so I contacted them in May, and got my first appointment with my counceler, which was probably one of the best decisions I made this year. I was nervous, of course, because I didn't know what to expect, but I already felt better after the first session. She helped me, and still does, a lot! 

We reached a point, dear readers, when the curve turned its way from down to up for me, and things were starting to get better, and lighter. Well, ups and downs were of course present, and still are, but my mind state about myself started to slowly change.

Any questions? Ask me, and take care. :)