The second year of college was crucial for my coming out story. It was both painful, and extremely beautiful for me, but never easy. Never. Not in a bad day, though. I found out that hard things one overcomes only make them stronger, and that's what I'm trying to tell myself everytime I encounter an obstacle.
I would say that last October started pretty much peacfully. I was thinking about my sexuality, and I was thinking about accepting it once and for all. Still, the pressure rising inside of me, not able to talk to anyone, since I've been still a little ashamed of it at the time, and constant research on LGBT+ topics, made me feel alone, confused, and frustrated. I'd say that this little war of mine started to affect me really bad. It was like I knew how to save myself from this, but I just didn't do it. I didn't make sure that the wound inside of me could heal. I basically tourtured myself with not speaking about me, and my sexuality to anyone. Also, I started noticing how much homophobia there's around me, and it was quite hurtful for me to listen or read such comments. But everything changed in December. Slowly, of course, but yet, quite successfully.
So, in December I really, honestly, and deeply felt a need to talk to someone. I was silent for too many years, I told myself, and that's why I turned to a person, whom I trusted, but at the same time she had nothing to do with my personal life. I turned to profesor's assistant, and gave her a letter in which I wrote that I like girls, and described my struggles and fears connected with it. And then she kind of became my first part of a support system. I could talk to her, she helped me a lot by just listening to me. She also attended an event with me organized by our LGBT organization, and I am still very grateful for that, because she was the first person to whom I clearly came out to, and also the first person that made me feel okay with who I am. Then I, more or less, regulary attended those events, and it wasn't really easy for me; I knew no one from LGBT+ community at the time, and I was angry with the fact that I have to find a special group of people just because I am not straight, so I can speak about myself without having a fear I'm going to lose someone.
These things and acknowledgments about myself, made me feel powerful enough to consider coming out to my family and friends. It took me a couple of months more to gain strength, and courage, but these first steps into unknown gave me fuel to even think about it for the first time, and later I execute it. But more, next time.
Thank you for all of your support, and love! It means a lot to me <3 If you have any questions, you can contact me. Write to you soon! ^^
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